Confessions of a Mormon Flight Attendant - EMERGENCY PROCEDURES

My 'mid-life crisis' happened when I was 51 years old.

Unlike the movies, it did NOT involve going out and buying an expensive sports car, forming a rock band or moving to a beach in Mexico. No, it was MUCH worse than that.

I went flying.

It's a long story - like ALL of my stories. But the short version is, somewhere after my sportscasting career, on a semi-dare from a friend, I applied to United Airlines for a flight attendant (FA) position. It took about 20 minutes one night on a lap-top. A bunch of mouse clicks and ten days later I was in Chicago interviewing.

Three months after that, I moved into the 'dorm' at UAL World HQs next-door to O'Hare to begin eight weeks of training which turned-out to be the most physically and mentally intensive thing I have ever attempted in my life.

The seventh week was called T.K. - United code for Technical Knowledge. Emergency procedures training. Eight incredible days of learning and practicing skills which, in the most extreme and dire situations, will literally make the difference between life and death.

The final day is the day you test. 100% pass or fail. The closest thing I can liken it to is the SEAR training special forces candidates like the US Navy SEALS go through.

It was unbelievable the volume of information and training we received over these past eight days, and I already feel prepared to react/respond in a professional, skilled, proactive manner in the event of irregular flight ops or an actual emergency.

What follows is my journal entry from that unforgettable day.....

"...we tested today, a four-part ordeal which had two WRITTEN exams - one open book and one closed book - followed by two PRACTICAL exams - physical, hands-on demonstration of skills learned and mastered - one on administering emergency oxygen and the other, the BIGGIE, on emergency door operation and evacuation.

As I mentioned, the stress level was absolutely through the roof for all of us, regardless of age, experience, or educational background because so much was riding on this part of training: you passed or you packed, and were sent home ON THE SPOT. 


Sadly, I watched this happen to two of my classmates - both great, smart, educated people with terrific attitudes.

One failed the open-manual written test and the other failed on her emergency doors practical. In both instances, they were IMMEDIATELY culled-out from the group and whisked away privately, back to the Training Center to pack and then be put on a flight home.

No goodbyes, no hugs, nothing. It was absolutely GUT-WRENCHING to witness - like watching someone you know and care about get splattered by a car or bus right in front of your eyes. That the rest of us were able to re-gain some measure of focus and composure and fight through the remainder of our testing was pretty remarkable, but fight through we did.

And you NEVER KNOW.

Three days ago, a United Airbus 319 landing here in Chicago from Seattle hit hard, skidded off the runway, clipped some lights with both wings/engines, then veered back onto the runway. One FA and two passengers were injured.

Then YESTERDAY, our class had our 2nd domestic training flights. Two of my classmates were on a flight which had to abort it's takeoff roll right at the moment of aircraft rotation (when the nose gear comes off the runway and you begin to lift off the ground) because of a brake fire. Fortunately, the Captain yelled the 'REMAIN SEATED' command over the interphones to alert the crew that an evac would NOT be necessary, but all the crash trucks rolled and escorted the jet back to the gate. Everyone was shaken, but fine and the flight departed several hours later on a different aircraft.

MY training flight was to Kansas City and back. Not even an hour on the ground there. I only got to poke my head out of the jetway and say hello to the CSR at the Gate for about 30 seconds after we de-planed our Chicago passengers.

I must confess, those two take-offs and landings were very DIFFERENT from any others in my many, MANY years of flying as a passenger. Instead of peeking out the window or at a magazine or having my thoughts wander, I was KEENLY aware of my nearest exit - how I would get there expeditiously and operate the evac alarms and lights and get the door opened and slide deployed - this falls under the general umbrella of what they call SA - situational awareness. It means a heightened state of alertness, focus, etc on where you are, what & who is around you, and what available resources you have.

It is astonishing how many accidents, injuries and incidents could be avoided in everyone's lives - both professionally and personally - if everyone would take their mental multi-tasking DOWN a notch or two and ratchet-UP their SA. Meaning pay closer attention to where you're going, what you're doing, how you are holding or carrying something, blind spots, dark places, who is in the area.

It's kind of like that scene in ‘Bourne Identity’ when Matt Damon is sitting in the diner with the girl, and he visually sweeps the room and is able to tell her who everyone is, what they are wearing, doing, where his exits and contingencies are. Very cool stuff indeed. I hope to become even better and more highly trained in this type of stuff as I move forward with my new life and career.

Time is FLYING by...."