The World's WORST Drivers Live In....

Quick - what just flashed through your mind? How did your brain finish that sentence?

L.A. ? N.Y.C. ? Paris? China? Honolulu? Rigby, Idaho? Anywhere along the Wasatch Front in Utah?

I've driven in pretty much every state West of the Rockies not-named Alaska or New Mexico. I've been a white-knuckled passenger in a lot of other states - and - a couple of foreign countries.

A few quick thoughts (...who are we kidding here - is there ever a 'quick thought' when I am doing the talking?)

* L.A. - I learned how to drive in L.A. The Alhambra School District's Driver's Ed program was so backed-up that my parents spoiled me - not the first time nor the last - and popped for private driving lessons. What follows is a true story.

The day my instructor picked me up for my very first lesson, he had me take the wheel and told me to proceed straight to the San Bernardino Freeway. I gulped. I prayed. I complied. After successfully negotiating the on-ramp and merging over a couple of lanes, he literally said '...c'mon, live a little' and reached his left foot over and stepped down on my right foot (...side note: he was a pretty young guy - early 20's)

It was terrifying and thrilling all at the same time. I don't remember how long that first lesson went, but we sped up & down both the San Berdooo and the 605. Good times. All joking aside, this guy proceeded over the next few weeks to teach me incredible defensive driving skills which kept me alive in a few of the places I'm about to mention.

Bottom line: California drivers are fast drivers, but they are also, for the most part courteous drivers. I used to get out of the parking lot at Dodger Stadium in half the time it takes me leaving a BYU game in Provo (...this is called foreshadowing)

* Honolulu - An insane maze of one-way streets filled with pedestrians. At least around Waikiki. Once out on the highway to the North Shore, life was grand. I had no problems getting in & out of the Dole Plantation roadside pineapple-stand parking lot nor that shrimp shack place right before Laie.

* Paris - once you learn how to drive the traffic circles, you are home free. Traffic circles - more on these momentarily (...still more foreshadowing)

* China - never driven there, but I was a frequent motorist in Monterey Park, California. Does THAT count?

* Next stop >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Not enough time nor space to even BEGIN my Rigby Rant. If you ever see an Idaho plate with a big 1J on it - RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!

((disclaimer: my Mom was born in Rigby, I had grandparents and great grandparents who called Jefferson County home and I learned how to break the Sabbath playing basketball with my cousins in Rigby))

Moving along.....

* N.Y.C. - my only experiences I can recall came as a passenger on buses bouncing around between LaGuardia and JFK during my wild United Air Lines stewardess days (...which will be the subject of a future blog - I promise)

* Wyoming - keep the pedal to the metal - don't stop too long in Rock Springs unless you're strapped and packing heat - and NEVER get off the freeway in a place called Laramie unless your vehicle is a fully-loaded B-52 (...LaVell's joke - I'm just recycling here)

* Denver - pothole capital of the world. Have a slush-fund for axles, rims and front-end alignments.

* Which brings us to........UTAH.

Not ALL of the Beehive State mind you. I have no beef with Cedar City nor St. George.

No, I am going to lock and load and take aim at a place called the Wasatch Front, also known as the I-15 corridor between roughly Tremonton to the North and Spanish Fork to the South. 123.69 miles (...according to MapQuest) of Hell on Earth disguising itself as the Indy 500 or Daytona, and that is, no-doubt, an insult to the State of Indiana and NASCAR.

Imagine L.A.'s freeways, but minus even the tiniest shred of courtesy, civility or manners. A full-on motoring COMBAT mentality. 'Survivor: I-15' Dog-eat-dog, and everyone is wearing milk-bone underwear.

You drive 10 m.p.h. OVER the speed limit and people STILL blow past you like an F-14 on afterburners, sometimes giving you half-a-peace sign on their way past. Signalled lane-changes? Laugh Out Loud. Where in the hell can EVERYONE be going in such a ________ hurry? Tailgating is the national sport and the Wasatch Front-er's have elevated it to an art-form. Aflack tried to come to the rescue but the duck got ran over.

You want a white-knuckle thrill ride to rival any roller-coaster in the world? Try the I-15 construction zones, which can be found year-round and like the painters of the Golden Gate Bridge are never finished.

My personal recommendation used to be Ogden, but that was so LAST year. Provo-to-Lehi is where it's at now. Posted for 55 with double fines for endangering construction workers and everyone must be a millionaire. Concrete lane barriers that squeeze you like a Bolivan Anaconda.

And once you get OFF I-15, you're not that much safer. That's because then you have to deal with the traffic circles. They are popping-up everywhere, but they require yielding and merging skills. Apparently no one here has driven in Paris. Ever.

And the punch-line here: everyone acknowledges the insanity, but no one is part of the problem. Yours truly included - at times.

I'm done. Now it's your turn - if I rigged the comment thingy correctly. Dust off your keyboard and tell me where the world's worst drivers live.